Archive For The “The Real Mann Way” Category
As we age we rely on our bodies less and less, because technology has taken the place of many of the things we used to do manually. An email or text has replaced a hand written letter and/or telephone call. Cable and satellite television have changed our willingness to get the family together to go to a movie. Now I love sports, but I honestly can count on one hand how many professional sporting events I’ve attended in the last five years, because my access via sports channels has decreased my desire to brave the traffic, crowds, ticket pricing, and incur the cost of food for a family our size.
Once we fail at our New Year’s Resolution, exercise is practiced by a select few, because the quick fix is easier than doing the work. And where there is a quick fix you generally have millions of people jumping on the band wagon to give it a try. I mean come on, you’re telling me that I can lose weight by eating bacon, cheese, eggs, and meat. We’ll who in the heck would not want to try that if they’re a carnivore. You see, another quick fix that influences one to not do the work necessary to loose or not gain the weight in the first place.
Finding relationships has evolved from meeting a friend of a friend to completing an on-line profile. The profile acts as a wish list for match making. We of course describes ones characteristics, but it also gives you a chance to describe what or who you’d like to match your profile. Now I’m not suggesting that the science behind it doesn’t make all the sense in the world. But I bet you were little surprised when you finally met someone and the picture was really of them from 20 years ago. Hey- you forgot to mention on your profile that you gained 100 pounds, and that full head of hair you used to have is now down the drain.
Even the simple enjoyment of conversations has morphed into emails, messaging or texting. And oh and how we have destroyed the English language by using letters instead of spelling out an entire word when we’re using those forms of communication. Once again taking the easy road even in simple forms of communications. Most people would say it’s just more convenient to use the short version of it, that’s until you get a formal piece of communications with those abbreviations in it. And yes…I’ve seen it live. The funniest part is watching two people right next to each other, or even in the same room having a conversation on their devices.
Can someone tell me when it became acceptable to begin a sentence with the word, “Like.” And how is it physically possible to use the word like so many times in one sentence to begin with. I somehow believe that my vision of seeing those same teenagers as young adults saying, “Like” is going to come true. Which leads me to my point – I really miss the simple life where we actually did the work. I’m sure there are many quicker ways to do things, but they should not be at cost of loosing the physical interaction with another human being. Now I won’t say I haven’t sent an e-card or two in my day, but the ones I take the time to pick out and give personally are priceless! So do yourself a favor and take the long way sometimes…it’s all about the simple life.
Why do so many people spend their time talking in circles rather than just getting to the point. As a listener I find it very difficult to wade through hidden messages, or better yet…trying to understand what you meant to say. And I find it insulting and irritating when someone says to me, “Well you know what I meant.” That statement by far is the furthest thing from the truth. Why? Because I take and respond to the question asked of me rather than attempting to filter through the hidden message within it.
One might say that I am being difficult on purpose, but that’s not the case. I have found that I do not and will not dedicate any time trying to understand innuendos, or listen to anyone taking the long way around the block to get to a simple point. Here’s a new idea (not really), say what you mean…so you mean what you say!
How easy would it be for someone to truly communicate their feelings, what they want, or even what they expect of someone else. Why are people afraid of being open and honest with their message rather than having someone figure it out on their own. It’s like a dog circling to catch its own tail, it keeps on going but cannot figure out why they can’t catch it. And when they do, they’re sometimes stupid enough to bite it.
What surprises me the most is when I actually communicate and explain the way I listen. Now if they truly want me to hear them, I would think that the sender would take the responsibility of altering their delivery. Instead they continue to send the message in its original circle form, which looses me almost from the time they start speaking. Why do they loose my attention so quickly you ask? Because I’m searching for the facts that are buried somewhere deep in this ever flowing mess of unnecessary words that I’m trying to filter through.
For some reason I have not quite figured out why the other person gets upset when I answer to what I’ve heard, or when I ask them to get to the point. The funny part is they’re generally asking for my help on something, and get insulted when I want to know the part I can help with, rather than hearing the result of the decision that got them to this point in the first place.
Whenever this happens to me I only have one lingering thought on my mind. I’m on my death bed about to meet my maker, and I’m asking God for a little more time to tell those I love how much I love them. God responds back and says to me, “My son do you remember all the conversations you listened to and you didn’t ask them to get the point? And do you remember all the time you spent filtering through hidden messages to find the facts? Well unfortunately you used the extra time I would have given you to do those things, and I now have to take you.”
I recently had the honor of sharing breakfast with a good friend of mine, and our conversation ranged all across the board. For those of you who don’t know, basically when two dudes get together for a conversation…you just never know where it’s going to go!
The part of the conversation I enjoyed the most was his love for and the relationship he had with his mother. Based on our conversation you could tell he loved his mother very much, and that she was an important part of his life until the day she passed. To be honest I love to hear that someone feels deeply about their parents, instead of the opposite of how they often blame them for everything bad in their lives. It’s as if they feel they have no choice in their lives after they leave the comfort or discomfort of their parent’s homes. He spoke deeply about her, and I was more than comfortable that he got a little choked up as he spoke about someone so special in his life. Now that’s a real man if I ever laid eyes one.
The part I found most interesting was when we began to talk about a couple of his siblings. There were two of them that sounded like the worst people one could ever meet. Instead of mourning the loss of someone who should have been close to them, they were only concerned with what they were getting from the estate. Rightfully so, another sibling and himself were appointed executors of the estate and worked as the go between with the attorneys and those vile people he had to call siblings. With their interests only being focused on what they’ll get, one can only imagine how difficult it was to work with them. It went so far…that pictures had to be taken so the sharks wouldn’t just take things from the estate solely for themselves.
When we finally came to the part about whether he should work to bring the family back together I had one question. If a person doesn’t know they’re drowning what is the point of throwing them a life preserver? I also wanted to know why did he feel this need to be a hero for a lost cause? Now I am the first to believe that we should accept people for who and what they are, but I also believe you being in my life is my choice and not a right of passage because we are family.
Those shark siblings are circling and waiting to take advantage of a situation that requires mourning and sensitivity of those who’ve experienced a loss of someone dear to them. And while the ones that truly care are not focused on the possessions left behind, the sharks do what sharks do – they attack when they see blood! I feel for my friend having to deal with them, and I hope that at some point he overlooks the fact that they are related by blood, and cuts them loose. After all, I don’t know anyone who had a choice in choosing their siblings, but I know many who had a choice in choosing their friends, regardless if they were siblings or not.
We’d like to know if you have any of those life sucking, leach oriented sharks in your life, and if so how you’ve handled them as a real man?
The weakest among us can participate in athletics, but only the strongest can survive as spectators. According to a heart specialists, when you become a sports spectator rather than a participant, the wrong things go up and the wrong things go down. Body weight, blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol and triglycerides go up. Vital capacity, oxygen consumption, flexibility, stamina, and strength go down.
The reason I share this information is because of how I’ve become dedicated to my own health and well-being. My journey from 240 lbs to 197 lbs and a 38 inch waist down to 31.5 inch waist was a well thought out and paced journey. My first step was choosing reasons important enough to get healthy in the first place, or called it my WHY. I had three of them. The first was for me, and centered around me being a Type II Diabetic. Did you know if you don’t manage it properly they’ll actually start removing things from your body? It also can result in blindness, congestive heart failure, and the truly big one…your man parts may not work. Well none of those outcomes were going to work for me.
The second reason was my family. I would like to be around for all of the things I have worked so hard for in rearing my children, and being with my lovely wife. There are still to many milestones my children have not experienced that I’d like not to miss, graduation of high school and college, their own marriages, and of course making me a grandfather some day!
The third reason was my own quality of life as I continue to age. Now that I’ve gotten down to a much more reasonable weight, I am moving better and have a lot more energy. I also know that the exercise I’m doing now will help me keep fit in my later years. As a 56 year old man I can honestly say…I feel like I’m 25. It feels good to push my machine like I did when I was younger, which in turn has improved my quality of life. The final outcome will result in the purchase of new clothing because now nothing fits, but that is the price you pay when you get healthy!
My formula was simple, simply burn more than you take in. We all know that’s the formula, but for some reason most of us refuse to settle on that logic and continue to gain weight. And instead of dong something we simply accommodate being bigger. Ever since I committed to PUSHING GO EVERYDAY, I’ve seen and felt such a difference in myself. What does pushing go mean? It means you finding your form of workout, eating right, and tracking and measuring your progress.
Here are things I did when I decided to push go every day:
- I downloaded and use a fitness Application daily and religiously (No excuses that it is to hard or inconvenient)
- I found the workout I love and do it daily
- I found a workout that streams through my computer or iPhone, so it travels with me, and I’m not stuck finding a gym
- I burned more than I took in (I reward myself when appropriate)
- I altered my thinking and realized a diet is any thing you eat, so I found eating plan to be a better word
- I weighed myself everyday to track a plateau or spike in my weight
- I developed six different accountability buddies, and we communicate our activity to each other daily
- I committed to doing something every day – no matter what
- I realized that this has to be a lifestyle, and not stopping when I hit a goal weight
Here are the real questions, are you where you want to be at this stage in your life, and in order to get there are you willing to Push Go Everyday? If you’re a real man you are!
I have really enjoyed writing this blog and receiving comments on the different topics. And one of the other things I’ve enjoyed is from time-to-time finding blogs written by others that intrigue me enough to share them. The topics that most interest me are the ones that focus on changing ones attitude or ones perception of life. This blog written by David Zulberg is one of them.
Sometimes changing your physical circumstances isn’t possible — or not possible soon enough, or you may want a less drastic change, but you still want to be happier. You can’t get to a new job right away or you regularly bump into that friend who makes you feel badly, what options do you have left?
Change your perception, belief or opinion of the situation — and that will help you change your attitude.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said it beautifully more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them), but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions.”
Modern behavioral science agrees! American psychologist Albert Ellis, famous for developing rational emotive behavior therapy, explained that “how” people react to events is determined largely by their “view” of the events, not the events themselves.
Have no clue how to change your perception — and improve your attitude? Here are five easy ways to start:
1. Admit to yourself that you’re not happy.
You can’t change anything if you aren’t aware that something needs to be changed. Stop the cycle of wishing things were different and take control of your thoughts and reactions to events and people.
2. Realize optimism is a choice.
You are not born with a positive or negative attitude. It is something you become through your perspective of experiences. Very few situations are completely bad. Always try to come up with three to five positives of any challenging situation and write them down so you can remember them.
3. Use positive words.
Use statements like, “I am hopeful,” or, “We will find a resolution,” throughout the day. The words you use when you talk have a major impact on your attitude and emotional outlook.
4. Hang out with friends who have a happy vibe.
Try surrounding yourself with friends that exude positive energy. Pay attention to the words they use when they talk to you about their day. You will be amazed how simple it is to ascertain if they are a positive or negative influence.
5. Say a daily affirmation.
Find a quote that is meaningful to you and say it aloud every morning. “Something great is going to happen today,” sends your energy in an expectant and positive direction. I know it sounds a bit “Zen” and somewhat mystical, but it is actually a very simple and effective method for retraining your subconscious mind — and advocated by both ancient and scientific research.
So the next time you are faced with a challenging situation, remember these tips for molding your perception — and improving your attitude. You may not be able to change it, but you can certainly choose your mental and physical response to it. As time passes, you will notice a real shift in your attitude, and so will your friends and family!
Are you in need of change in your attitude? Real men are constantly evolving, and spend a great deal of time self evaluating to facilitate their own growth. The real man question is…are you a real man?
Don’t you find it fascinating that there are certain parts of life that really suck? When we’re children we are so full of energy, and the world is truly your oyster. Back then and still now a child’s imagination flows in way that a box can be a spaceship, the snow can be made into a cave, or even better yet those action figures really do come to life in their minds.
When you’re a teenager you have the sense of being invincible. One can stay out and party all night with friends and still make to class the next day. Do you remember looking at that 16 inch pizza and thinking to yourself…not a problem, I got this. Or having the metabolism to pound down whatever you wanted and not gain a pound. And then there was getting injured and bouncing back the next day like it was nothing.
Your college years were a time of self discovery to figure out what you wanted to be. It also had a little bit of acceptance attached to it if you were wanting to join a fraternity or sorority. What on earth were people thinking knowing they were going to go through a hazing process?
But now you’ve graduated, and the process of dreaming, planning, and execution begins. One dreams of getting that wonderful job out of college, so they start to plan by scheduling the interviews, and executing by actually getting the job. As we progress we take a similar process as we’re moving through the organization, or duplicate that process by moving to another company that can satisfy it.
As we get a little older the thought of beginning a family enters our minds, so guess what we began to dream, plan, and execute again with the search our ideal mate. Of course some may start earlier than others, but wanting to expand their families and adding children is often the next step. So guess what, you’re right, we start dreaming, planning, and then executing again.
Now that our little bundle joy has arrived we’re going to need more room than the apartment for two has been providing, so getting a home seems to be the next logical step. Now that we’ve come to that conclusion, guess what…you’re right, we start dreaming, planning, and then executing again. Since the family has expanded you can probably guess that the small two door car you’ve been driving is not going to meet your needs now with the little one or ones for that matter, so guess what…you’re right, we start dreaming, planning, and then executing again.
Now that the children are older and the taxi service has begun, depending on what they’re into, you may be traveling in different directions. And even though you enjoy seeing them play it becomes taxing, tiring, and even burdensome, because your time is no longer your own.
Now let me share the real moral to the story. That dreaming, planning, and executing stages are the best part of our lives. It’s attached to hope, the future, and the things we are trying to achieve in our lives. Once we get caught up or better yet trapped into the doldrums of just dealing with our responsibilities – it SUCKS! So even though we can get away from those responsibilities there should be a time, places and things that we still dream about, plan about, and focus on executing.
Ask yourself are you a still dreaming, planning, and then executing? I would love to read your comments on this.
Even though this year the celebration of our independence will fall during the middle of the week, they’ll be no less hot dogs, hamburgers, potatoes salad, and desserts consumed. Nor will there be no less fireworks shot off! I hope that you and yours’ enjoy a happy and safe Independence day.
Oh and by the way…Here’s what is it really all about. The Declaration of Independence. We celebrate American Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. We think of July 4, 1776, as a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.
For those of you who possess the title, but didn’t or don’t do the work…this is not for you. That’s because your only gift to that party was your seed. But when it came to standing up and taking part and responsibility for the life you helped to create you were a father biologically – but not a dad.
For those of you who’ve taken and still take an active roll in your children’s lives, this is for you. You were there when they were born, and there for most if not all of the other significant events in their growing lives. For doing and continuing to do all of that work, and providing much more to your children…you are the ones truly being honored today.
Happy Dad’s Day!
I recently had the pleasure, I mean displeasure of going to renew my licence at the Department of Motor Vehicles. What I hope would take about an hour turned into a 4 hour nightmare. I have seen some disorganization in my day, but nothing compares to the lack of efficiency I experienced during my wait.
One would think that getting to the DMV at 10:00 am in the morning would result in a fairly quick in and out process. Boy was I in for a surprise!
It all started at check-in. As the entry line wrapped from inside to outside, I noticed that there was only one person conducting the actual check-in to see where you needed to go next. But for some reason there were two unmanned terminals that if manned would have cleared up the bottleneck at station number one. The killer was that senior citizens were allowed to bypass the longer line and be serviced immediately. Not that I’ve got it in for senior citizens, I just knew I needed to get in and out of this process as quickly as possible. But of course that would not going to be the case.
Step two required me to go over to the get my picture taken for the new license line. Holy S&*) was there another bottleneck of slowness created. What caused this, another line with a lot of people was being serviced by one person. Not only was the line extremely long because it was serviced by one person, but once again the senior citizens were allowed to pass in front of us. After another hour in line, I had the honor of getting my picture taken. Oh did I forget to tell you when the second person arrived to man the other terminal, they had forgotten their log-on. Once the other person decided to help them, that resulted in another 15-20 minutes of wasted time.
Once I moved into the mass of people sitting in the common area where they call your assigned number, I counted the stations available to service all of the people waiting. The count was 10 stations. Here’s the kicker, instead of staggering their lunches, 6 of the 10 people manning the stations left for lunch at the same time. Which meant that 70-80 people waiting now had their wait extended.
My number was 253-B, and based on the number of people there and the speed at which they were moving…my wait was going to be for a while. It could not be further from the truth.
Because I’m not a sitter when I wait for the something I have a tendency to pace. And boy did I pace a lot. One person asked how many laps I had done, but the kicker was when one the DMV workers came out and asked me if I was alright. I’m sure his question was centered around whether he thought I was ready to blow or not. Once I shared with him that I am just not a sitter when I’m waiting he retreated back to his area once he knew the potential threat was compromised.
After the long wait and bottlenecks totaling four hours was over…I finally completed my renewal. Holy S&*1@ what a crappy process manned by people who truly don’t give a rats pa-tutti about how long we have to wait.
I’m sure other readers would love to hear about your experiences about your trip to the DMV. So please feel free to share?
I would guess that many people in the world are of two mindsets – the glass is half full, or the glass is half empty. The half empty people focus on the things that they are missing in life, and quite honestly what they don’t have. They’re mired in how bad things are and trapped in a should have, could have, but didn’t way of thinking. How awful would it be to spend your time thinking about the open capacity of the glass rather than the water in it.
This type of thinking leads me to believe that your conversations and interactions would tend to be on the negative side. And we all know that misery loves company when it wants to be happy. So for one to be happy, you would need to surround your self with other half glass empty people. Because I’m sure they just revel in hearing that negative talk.
Now the glass half full people are generally of a positive mindset. They are pleasant to be around because they always bring something positive to the party. Since their focus is on the filled part rather than the open capacity of the glass, they spend their time quenching their thirst with what they have. They are positive magnets that attract people, and that others truly enjoy sharing time with.
Guess who doesn’t like them – correct, the glass half empty people. Neither of the two can coexist in a fruitful relationship because neither has tolerance for the other. When one focuses on sharing why this is bad, and the other focuses on why this is good…that conversation won’t last long. Not to mention those types of relationships let alone conversations can be draining to them both.
Oh did I forget to mention the third mindset? That’s the one that only focuses on where do I get more water if the full half does not quench my thirst. These are the innovators and leaders of the world. And guess what, they make up such a small percentage of it.
My guess is that the world needs all three of them to actually function properly. So here’s the million dollar question, are you the half full, the half empty, or the where do I get more water if this won’t quench my thirst person?